Ramblings ...

Labour Top Trumps

When I started this blog I did aim to write more often, however since my last post I drifted into the last few weeks of my pregnancy feeling pretty shattered, busy preparing for little ones arrival, sleepless nights and generally being a whingey old whale like bint.

Anyhoo, a few weeks on and here I am with a beautiful daughter, our new addition to our family to my left as I eagerly tap away. In a blissful bubble, feeling ridiculously blessed to have 2 healthy, content children and to share this time with Mr G is just incredible. I'll refrain from rambling on with labour stories but a couple of encounters made me feel the need to share my thoughts.

I spent the first night alone with our new daughter running events through my head in tears of relief that after the overwhelming experience of labour we'd both come out the other side.

Laying beside our little lady I was unable to sleep not just for adrenaline but also being kept awake by the other 'guests'. One lady ….let's call her Mrs Frightfully F***ing Frightfully …. arrived all very pleasant in her 30's asking Mummy if she would be so kind as to pass her a granola bar….. Things started to really get going and she was using language that would make Jim Davidson blush! My goodness poor Mummy dear was being told in no uncertain terms where to stick formentioned granola bar! After having her baby she was back to former self like nothing had happened.

This prompted me to wonder if my series of events were accurate. Mr G the following morning was bombarded with questions, I felt the need to go through everything from leaving the house, (ensuring The Voice was on sky +,) to our daughters first cries. For several days after I still felt the need to talk about it in pretty graphic detail, Im sure Mr G wasn't as keen likening some parts of the experience as ''like watching your favourite local burn down'' ……..how lovely….. This wasn't because I was seeking constant pats on the back or to be told I was a super child bearing machine but because I found it a helpful process in understanding the whole experience. It's so intense your head is spinning trying to take it all in, I didn't want to have missed anything, wanting to know, did I swear, hit, punch….any uncontrollable bodily functions (sorry but has to be asked)! Apparently I was very well behaved and in control.. Phew

We needed to stay overnight just to check little ladies red blood cell count coming onto a ward where the women had all been there a couple of days at least, babies with trouble feeding, complicated labours etc it was no suprise there was a strong sense of 'women's comradery' it was actually quite intimidating, more so when the attitude of the girl next to me was ''What you doing here, when you had your baby round THERE'' as if I didn't deserve to be there as I hadn't qualified with enough of a traumatic time, surely it's irrelevant?!. I certainly hadn't anticipated labour ward snobbery in my birth plan!

Every woman has a right to choose how and where she has her baby, we're fortunate to have the NHS provide us with the support to have options. If id laboured in a pool with incense sticks, scented candles no pain relief and a friggin harpist what business is it of anyone else's. Equally it wouldn't be right of me to judge you for writhing around squealing like a banshee and swearing like Roy Chubby Brown….. *ooops apologies Mrs Frightfully F***ing Frightfully* i've heard said alot no one gets a medal the end result is the same, however they arrive in whatever circumstance you pray for a safe and healthy little one to love with every inch of your being …it's not a competition. We opted for the mid wife led unit for a whole host of reasons, scoring points wasn't one of them.

Having a newborn of course draws attention, its lovely in the form of sweet old ladies that take the time to congratulate you with genuine sincerity and slightly amusing attention from the fellow new mums that blatently try to see if you're still carrying a bit more 'baby weight' than they are. Don't get me wrong, Im more than up for talking babies and to talk labour in terms of sharing to appreciate other mums experiences, Im a sociable girl, My bug bear however, is other mums you've never met, along with 'chip on her shoulder ward girl' that at the school gates or from across the doctors waiting room want to know everything about it, your life story not for being polite but to play 'Labour Top Trumps'.

… your baby weighed 9lb,…..their's was stonking 12,

… You had an epidural….. She did it only popping half a paracetemol …..and it either went on for days and days or was a super efficient 20 minutes,

… A week on your'e starting to feel like your body's your own, she was out for a run the following morning in her size 6 Sweaty Betty's get up,

… You're trowelling on under eye concealer like a drag queen, her baby sleeps from 7-7..and toilet trained by 2 months!

Oh sod off, it's boring.